I'm Back

Back to the old blogstone for me! I took a few weeks off to become acclimated to being home, but now seemed like a good time to get back to blogging.
When I first got back, I had a hard time establishing a good routine because my fitness classes at the U hadn't started yet. That made the first two weeks pretty difficult for me, but fortunately things are in full swing again. My classes are definitely challenging, but they are also really fun. I will say that exercising at approximately 4,000 feet above sea level is considerably harder than exercising on Hilton Head Island. The altitude change combined with the chilly weather we've been having made me feel like I was going to die on the first day of my running class, so I am very glad that our bodies have the ability to adapt to new situations. I'm happy to say that this week was much, much easier than last week. We've got a 5k coming up on Saturday, so I'm glad I'm not huffing and puffing quite so badly anymore. Actually, it's a Halloween 5k. Anyone got any awesome costume ideas?
Other than my exercise classes, I've been working on ridding my surroundings of my former self. Now, that may sound strange or morbid, but allow me to explain. Simply put, I was not a happy person before I went to H3. Somewhere deep inside I possessed the ability to be happy, but for the most part I was angry and depressed all the time. The H3 experience allowed me to shed my angry self and remember what it felt like to be happy and balanced. Upon my arrival home, I knew that if I didn't do something to change my surroundings, that former version of myself would probably try to haunt me and drag me down to her level again. Obviously I have no interest in doing that, so I've really been working on beautifying my surroundings. Granted, there isn't a ton that one can do with cinder blocks, but a girl has got to try, right? So far, I feel like the transformation is going pretty well. I've been able to stay on top of my daily tasks more easily and I the atmosphere is just generally better. It's amazing what a trip to Ikea and turning on a Scentsy can do to change the feeling of a place.
What about you guys? What do you do to hold on to the positive changes that you make?

My Inner Athlete and I Are Heading Home

 I'm back on the airplane.  Well, probably not the same airplane we traveled on before, but, you know, one of those airplanes that goes back and forth between Atlanta and Salt Lake City.  If you read the beginning of this blog, you may recall how I wrote while traveling from Utah to South Carolina, that Amber and I were on a quest to become "less and more" at the same time.  As I ponder the past six weeks, I would have to say, yes, I believe we have indeed begun to experience the transformation! As far as weight loss, we are each down about 18 pounds from the day we arrived at Hilton Head Health.  That we have each lost an amount of weight we are pleased with is, however, just kind of the frosting on the cake, if you will forgive that grotesquely inappropriate analogy, haha.  I guess I should say "the delicious low-fat feta-dill dressing on the salad."  But you know what I mean.  It's that we didn't just go to "fat camp" and lose weight, and we didn't just learn a lot of new things to do. We learned a new way to be.

 The first evening we were there, after our orientation and tour of the facilities, Amber and I were sitting on the front porch of the center, and the newness and strangeness of our situation really started to dawn on me. I began feeling quite overwhelmed and more than a little intimidated.  Was I really going to go in there and hotfoot it on the treadmill and pull and push on those exercise machines and and heft those weights?  "Wait, that's not the sort of thing I do" I heard myself saying "I get tired when I exercise...my muscles hurt, and I have never been 'athletic.'  What in the world was I thinking when I decided to come here?"

It was right about then that Kelia walked out the front door and onto the porch.  Kelia (whose name is pronounced "Keela") is one of the movers and shakers at H3. She is in charge of "Guest Relations," and works with everyone in the program to make sure they are having the best possible experience.  Exuding enthusiasm, she welcomed us warmly and asked, were we ready to unleash our inner athlete? "Wait," I thought, "you mean I have an inner athlete?"  It really had never occurred to me to wonder if I had one; I had always just assumed that I didn't.  But her enthusiasm was so contagious that I found myself smiling and saying "yes," like I really meant it.  The funny thing is, I realized that I did mean it.  If Kelia believed I had an inner athlete, then, by gosh, it must be true, and, by gum, I was going to start the unleashing process.  And, by gosh, I am pretty sure that the previous sentence was the first time I have ever used the term "by gum," so you can see that something is definitely happening here.  Now, as I've explained in other posts on this blog, my inner athlete is not going to be on anybody's short list in the next round of drafts, or for that matter on any really, really long lists.  But that's not the point.  The point is to get back to what I was talking about in the first paragraph after this lengthy digression about Kelia and the front porch, and that is to talk about finding a new way to BE and how my inner athlete has helped me with that.

I have learned that I like being a person who can move and enjoy it, and for whom making healthy choices is the best option.  I mean, really, what is the alternative?  Eating too much and sitting around looking like Jabba the Hutt?   I certainly don't want to be that person any more!

I am going to use this blog to keep processing what I have learned.  Writing about it is such a good way for me to remember and reinforce the things that have have made such a difference in my outlook.  It's going to take awhile, because I have learned and experienced so much! I invite you to journey along with me so I can share what I have learned.  I would love it so much if I could say something that would help you in your quest, whatever that might be.

Leaving?

So, I'm in a state of disbelief. The end of our six weeks has come. Now that the experience is really coming to a close, I've found myself pondering what the real "take home message" is. What I realized is that there isn't one. Let me explain.
You see, when I came here, I viewed the experience in front of me as being something that would teach me new things to do. While it's true that it did give me new tricks and tidbits of information, it really helped me achieve a new state of being.
There really aren't words to adequately express the change that has taken place within me. I won't just be taking home a new bag of tricks of the trade. Sure, I definitely learned some very helpful practical things, but they are just one component of a new state of being. I don't eat healthily because it's something that I can do, I eat healthily because that's the person that I am now. The time will pass by no matter what we do, so we might as well spend it being the kind of person we want to be rather than just doing the kinds of things that the person we want to be might want to be.
There you have it. There really isn't a blanket statement that can be made to explain the H3 experience. One thing I will say, however, is that it is 100% necessary to do the work yourself. Quick fixes are so, so, so appealing because at the moment we see or hear about them, all we can think of is that "better" version of ourselves. The skinny version, if you will. Don't fall for it! There is no quick fix and there is something about doing it the old fashioned way that makes you grow. I'm not going to lie, it isn't always easy. Sometimes you feel really sore and wonder if you can keep going. I've discovered that I can almost always keep going. Amber and Lindsay, two of the fabulous trainers I had the opportunity to work with, really helped me realize that. (Seriously, guys, they are great! I don't do personal shout outs very often on this blog, but they deserve it!)There were so many times that I looked at a certain exercise one of them wanted me to do and the first thing I thought was "Really? You want me to do that? I don't know how this is going to work." You know what happened? I tried it anyway and I discovered that I AM STRONGER THAN I THINK I AM! I promise that you are too.
Making these kinds of changes doesn't mean that you need to go out and start doing something extreme. Just start out by doing something. Walk a dog, have a dance party in your living room, bust out some good ol' Richard Simmons, replace your office chair with a fitball. Find ways to incorporate activity into the things that you already enjoy doing. There are tons of different exercise games to go along with different T.V. shows. Here's one to go along with The Big Bang Theory. Take the plunge! You can do it!!!!
It's amazing what those little things called endorphins will do for you. In the immortal words of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, "Exercise creates endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands."

I Hip Hopped, Although I Wasn't Very Hip

Before Amber and I left for Hilton Head. we were having dinner with the family and everyone was looking at the H3 website, examining the sample schedule of activities.  While perusing the various offerings, Meredith asked (somewhat skeptically) "Mom, are you going to take the hip hop class?"
Can you imagine?  Why would she even ask a question like that?

If there was going to be a hip hop class, OF COURSE I was going to take it!

Well, it's probably a good thing that the hip hop class wasn't offered when we first got here.  I probably would have tried it and when my dance dyslexia kicked in I would have gone hopping off down the bunny trail.  But it was on the schedule today, and after my forays into the world of dance with Zumba and salsa I felt more confident.  Or, well, perhaps just less concerned about looking ridiculous.  Whatever.  So, Amber and I showed up, along with two of the fitness interns and one other guest, and started looking for our groove. Now, for some of us, our groove is well hidden.  Very well hidden.  So I wouldn't go so far as to say I found my groove, or even glimpsed it, but hey, I looked for it with attitude.  Yesiree.  And it was pretty groovy even if there wasn't an actual groove.

Yeah.  A lot of our experience here has been about doing stuff that we never thought we could do.  Or, more accurately, doing stuff that we never even thought about wondering if we could do.  And this brings me to the mention of an event in which we will be participating over the next three days:  a Yoga Retreat.  It's not a retreat in the sense that we are going off to some mystic mountain, as appealing as that might sound; we will still be sleeping and eating most of our meals at H3; however, we will immersing ourselves in yoga for three days, and venturing out on several different activities that I definitely never considered even thinking about wondering if I could do.  Yes, on the schedule for tomorrow is kayaking to an island where we will then do yoga on the beach.  Friday's activity is (get ready for this) stand-up paddle boarding!  Yikes.  It is rumored that some people may even do yoga on the paddle board (I am not one of the rumorees) (indeed, this could throw me back into wounded-manatee mode).  Anyway, it all sounds very interesting! Anchors aweigh!

Sticking With It

On Saturday I participated in my 3rd 5k since July. Here at H3, they have a yearly event called Devin's Dash which honors the memory and life of Gregory "Devin" Sheaffer, a beloved massage therapist here at H3. He passed away two years ago as after a battle with cancer. Now, I obviously never knew Devin, but many of his friends and family members were there and, let me tell you, those people know how to live. A phrase that is associated with Devin is "pure energy" and even though I was just another person in the crowd, it was obvious to me that Devin must have been bursting with that pure energy. I can't think of many other experiences I've had where there has been such an awesome vibe with so many people who were just happy to be there. It was truly remarkable to me.
After all was said and done and all the prizes were awarded, people were still there having a great time. There was dancing and cheering and copious amounts of that pure energy. Jeff, an awesome trainer here who also happens to be one of the most enthusiastic people I've ever met, took things up another notch by jumping in the pool. A few people jumped in, a few others were thrown in, and just like that the whole pool was filled with happy dancing people. At first my mom and I were slightly wary of jumping into a swimming pool fully clothed, but eventually we both decided to trow caution to the wind and join the party. To make things even more exciting Lyle Orr, one of Hilton Head Health's veteran guests, got everyone doing the Electric Slide in the pool. At one point there was even an adorable little fluffy dog named Scooter in the pool with us. It was fabulous, people! Fab-u-lous.
My mom already wrote an awesome post about the pool dancing, complete with video footage, so you should definitely check it out.
I'm not going to lie, on Sunday evening, I was majorly homesick. I even found myself wondering why we hadn't planned on just leaving after 5 weeks instead of 6. Now that the week is almost half over, here I am wondering where all the time went. Just like my mom, I am trying to cram all of my desired activities and classes into the 4 days that remain before we go home. Today was divided between lectures and fitness classes. Usually I've been filling my days with more of the fitness options than the lecture classes, but I am so glad I made the choice to get in a few more lectures before I leave.
I attended two lectures today, and both of them were about things that I desperately needed to hear. The first I went to was called "Exercise Adherence" and it was so good. In a way it was all information that I had heard before in other venues, but for some reason it hit home for me today like it never has before. One of the major stumbling blocks that I've had when I have attempted to establish fitness habits has been "all or nothing" mentality. I would find myself looking for any excuse not to exercise. Seriously. Any reason at all. One of my personal favorites was "I don't want to workout because I look fat in my workout clothes." I wasn't willing to stop looking at things as being a never ending "rock and a hard place" situation. I was always too fat, too tired, too sore, or too hungry to bother working out.
My, oh my, how things have changed. Not only am I now much more satisfied with my physical appearance than I was a few weeks ago, I'm actually seeking out new activities when I get back. After giving it a couple more chances, I realized that I love Salsa dancing. So, Lance and I are going to take Salsa dancing lessons when I get back! A couple of months ago, neither of us would have been even slightly interested in even trying, but now we're excited to have found something fun and active that we can do together. It makes a big difference to have active hobbies instead of hobbies that just involve sitting around. Who knows what we'll decide to try next!
What about you guys out there in bloggerland? What do you like to do to be active?

Dimensionality

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged for awhile.  Or not.  But in any event, it's time for me to try and catch up a little bit.  Things have been going at an alarmingly rapid pace around here, so my absence from the blogosphere is not due to a lack of things to blog about; rather, it's a matter of trying to keep up with everything I need and want to do in each twenty-four-hour period, while still retaining a little time to sleep and eat.

At the two-mile marker in the 5K

We leave for home this Sunday, September 30th.  Like Amber, I kind of feel like I have been here forever.  Has it only been five-and-a-half weeks?  The difference between how I feel now and how I felt when I first walked through the doors to Hilton Head Health is hard to describe; it's like I was previously living in a different dimension.  Now, before you get your expectations up too high, let me add that I am not yet leaping high buildings in a single bound, nor can I successfully distinguish my right foot from my left foot consistently throughout an entire Zumba class.  But, I can make it through the Zumba class!  I can make it through the Salsa class!  I have been doing yoga several times a week and have not yet received any threatening letters from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Yoga. I HAVE ridden my bike to the beach (several times), and have even ridden my bike ON the beach.  And, get this, last Saturday I participated in a 5K walk/run, did not finish last, and may or may not have jumped into the swimming pool fully clothed at the party afterwards.  Oh, alright, I actually did do that.  What's happening?  Hmm...maybe there is something to this inter-dimensional travel theory.

I made it to the beach!

Who would have thought?

Things Are Winding Down

I cannot believe that we only have one more week here at H3. Okay, so that isn't necessarily 100% true. Part of me feels like I have been here for so long that I've almost forgotten what my everyday life is like, but the majority of me thinks that the time has just flown by.
It has been so amazing to feel my progress from week to week. When I think back to those very first days here, it almost seems as though the me who will leave in one week is a completely different person than the person who was living in my body prior to this journey. When you think about it, I really am a different person than I was before I got here. You could even say that when I stepped over the threshold into those first few classes, the real me arrived. The person who is vibrant and happy and eager to do finally came to the forefront. I've come to know that what I really want out of life is joy. That may sound like a vague thing to want, but for me it's what I desire more than anything.
For so long I cowered in a giant shell of fat because I was afraid and convinced that I wasn't someone who could do or be anything at all. I didn't really know it then, but almost every happy occasion was shrouded with bleak depression. I was always focusing on what others had or were able to do and constantly comparing myself to them. Countless opportunities for change were ignored because I was too  consumed with reaction rather than intention. Being irritated and snippy had somehow become my default setting. Somewhere inside, the real me was screaming to get out, but my wounded, angry self wasn't ready to surrender yet. Realizing that now makes me so sad for the poor creature who wandered through my routine for the past few years.
Now that things are different, it has become clear to me that what may initially appear as coincidence is in fact a series of small miracles. The experiences I had leading up to this point weren't necessarily fun. In fact, many of them were painful. That being said, I feel it necessary to point out that nothing can exist without an opposite. I don't think that I would truly be able to appreciate how good I feel now if I didn't also know how it feels to feel bad. Obviously, the path ahead of me will contain more than a few potholes and obstacles to deal with, but those are circumstances and events that no one manages to avoid in life. From now on I am going to do my best to react to things in a more positive way. I want to be someone who uplifts others rather than being a dreary, mopey, time-consuming leech on those around me.
It would be impossible to list every single thing that I have discovered during this experience. For now I'm content just to have this one, solid truth I can rely on: the real me is back and I never have to experience anything alone.